yesterday i went to have cake and milk.

like N times alone already.

i saw a couple, a young man and his boo,

and i saw just a plate of fish and chips and a glass of drink on the table of theirs.

they are sharing food.

it reminds me of me last time,

where i dun have much money, but went for a date.

i had to starve just to feed my boo,

but it was totally sweetness.

i saw this yesterday,

but i dun feel those sweetness anymore,

but i feel pitiful.

not because i jealous,

but my perception towards relationships had change.

i cant feel love anymore.

all i feel is realistic,

bout money,heartache, cheating.

i have such negative mindset on relationship.

it's not something that is bad.

cause it makes me not a fool anymore.

makes me a more selfish person.

makes me realize the importance of bread,

as a basic of any relationship.

i used to starve, save some money to fulfill other people happiness,

i use to ride a bike, fetch my boo,

and we were all wet when it rains.

but it still kinda romantic that moment when i was 18.

but these things will never happen again.

i swear to god, i had change.

i dun believe must in faith,

i dun believe in promises,

and i really feel sorry for that guy.

cause i know one day, his boo is going to realize how poor he is and left.

what's the reason for us to love a person, while we cant even love ourselves?

there is no point of doing so cause human beings will never satisfy,

that's human nature, animal instincts.

welcome to this cruel world,

where realistic is the game, and money is the momentum.

love, is just something that makes you stronger and go forward.

love is just a stimulation that trigger you to move away from the same spot.

that's it.

if i'm poor, will you love me?

even you will, i will never let you do.

cause it's so cruel to burnt emotion when it sticks.

Last night i went to this little road somewhere in Georgetown.

beneath the giant Penang Times Square,

under the bright lights,

i found this simple place in the dark street of Georgetown.

i was there to return someone's IC.

and it took me an hour walking up and down the street to look for the address.

it's amazing how quite the street is,

and how simple life is there.

Seing Teik Road is a place worth it for me to pay for a visit,

cause it's a place where my mum grow up,

and my grandma work very hard to raise up 5 of her kids.

just makes me feel a little bit of their lifestyle when they are in their younger days.

but of course, there is a lot of changes as time flies by.

the address there is quite messy.

for example, the address number is either odd or even numbers.

i was standing at 167 and 169 for about half an hour,

figuring out where is 168.

spooky.

i look inside the house of 171 and there was a kid there,

with a messy house , wathcing tv.

just makes me felt life could be simple.

and it's very very please to find peace in this modern city.

well, the add i was looking at is down the road..very very far..

but's kinda great for me to walk in the dark,

feeling freedom,

quiet, peace and it's been a great journey.

i desire peace in my life,

but to get a peace and simple life,

u have to left many things behind.

i love heritage buildings,

it represents a culture we left behind to modernize the city.

stories that were forgotten with the time flow.

i'm a camo

i have this blog. www.himynameiskelvin.tumblr.com.

the blog where i write bout cool things and great music i wanna share with people.

but few month ago, i relaunch this blog.

where my plan is to write about my life and what's going on.

but i realize that when people grow up,

they tend not to tell things they feel and become more conservative.

thus, i'm no longer the person who writes bout his true feelings and expose it to the whole world.

cause, i can't.

perhaps, growing up makes people to be afraid to express themselves.

perhaps, growing up makes people tend to be more secretive.

perhaps, growing up makes people not eager for spot light.

perhaps, growing up makes people to be more mature and stable.

perhaps, growing up makes people not to express their feelings.

perhaps, growing up makes people to be protective.

perhaps, growing up makes me a cunning person.

where i think being secretive is some sort of competitive advantage.

when i see people talk about shit in front of me,

i feel so funny cause they does not know what exactly i'm capable of.'

i like being people who other people think that i'm pose no threat.

and it maybe makes me not a target for the cruel society.

being low profile, it brings me a lot of advantages.

cause i can see how stupid their face is when they talk shit about me.

cause i'm definitely better than them.

if you people are seeing this shit,

i'm telling you,

you had been punk'ed.

p/s: i'm like a butterfly, i know how to camouflage and i'm a wonderful living creature.

it's 3.22am in the saturday morning.

i am still awake in this cold and quiet morning.

thinking bout how and whats gonna happen 2 months later,

time when i had to make choices,

about my life.

growing up is fast.

just wondering have you people has things havent done yet before you grow up.

i had plenty of words to speak to someone.

to tell her,

i'm very sorry.

it's such a difficult word to split it out.

as it buried beneath my heart for a long time.

thank her for making me tough.

i forget bout happiness and laughter,

thats the things i had left behind.

i hope she does not mind.

i know it's been a past, history.

but i have to say that,

u know, not in front of her,

but at least hopes she knows it one day.

i wants to say sorry for not able to make myself brave enough to accept a new friend in my life.

i just do not know where to start,

and where it ends.

i am not as clever as her,

manipulate feelings that great.

thus, i lost a friend.

i hope everyone is ok.

and sorry for being naive in the past.

never gonna leave this bed

why do i find it so difficult to leave her bed?

world in a circle

Dear Bro,

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Cheers!

Sincerely,

Newman